okay, so last night, chris got home from his nearly 3 week training/survival thing out in washington... i was so looking forward to him finally being home, where i wouldn't be outshined by survival techniques and AF buddies... where i could have my hero back... and he could finally be there for me like i've been doing for him for quite some time now... but instead of my hero, i got some jerk... and i don't say that about him often, but last night, he was being exactly that...
the night before i had called him to let him know that my tags had been stolen again, and i was sick... i didn't figure he'd call be back as it was his last night there, and i thought he'd be out with the guys... and while this was mostly the case, he told me he'd seen where i'd called, but he just "wasn't feelin' it..." meaning, he knew things were pretty crappy for me that day, but didn't want to deal with me... what kind of hero is that???
the past few weeks, things in my life haven't exactly been a walk in the park either... but even when i "wasn't feelin' it" i was still there, and encouraging and supportive, for him... and while i understand that he couldn't always do the same for me because of his training schedule, there were times when he could have been more there for me, and he chose not to...
ever since Ivan, things have been "christopher, christopher, christopher"... everything has been about him, and the things going on in his life... i've had one night in the past 2 months where we just talked about me, and things going on with me... and even that was before the chaotic past few weeks...
last night, i needed him to ask me how i was doing... needed him to reassure me that even though things are super crazy for both of us right now, that everything is going to be okay... i needed him to let me know that he's gonna be there for me like i've been needing... and even after telling him what i needed he said "i just can't do that right now..." all of what i was asking for would have taken less than 10 minutes... but instead, we spent 20 arguing about it...
i need some princess time... and i need some fast... i just keep giving and giving and giving to this relationship, and lately, i'm feeling like i'm not getting anything in return... feeling kinda shafted... for the next few days, i told him that i'd stay out of his way and leave him completely alone, and i only asked that he call me when he gets to GA to let me know he made it safely... but during this time, i hope he's figuring out a way to make it up to me... because i feel i've been a girlfriend who's been more than understanding about a lot of things... i've been willing to be second in his life for a while, while most girls would have said "put me first, or else..." but now, i'm needing to be first... now i just have to wait and see if my hero returns, or if i'm gonna be stuck with a jerk for a while...
i want my hero back...
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